Prime Minister
PRIME MINISTER: It’s been great to here in Brisbane all week actually, we’ve had a really, really strong week and great to see so many wonderful people out and about.
HOST: Before we have a proper chat we should take care of business because we’ve been saying that we’re going to do ‘Smarter than Suse’ so let’s do that first and then we’ll have a proper chat after, see how you go against Sue.
PRIME MINISTER: Sure this is, you know, this is crunch time.
SUSIE: Yeah it’s cattle stations
HOST: Are you aware of the stickers? There’s that one if you win.
PRIME MINISTER: Well my secret in life is to always have assumed that I’m never the smartest person in the room. Plenty of people assume the opposite and usually get themselves into trouble.
HOST: Either with the honest part or Suse sticker-
HOST: A lot to play for.
HOST: I’m not smarter than Suse either.
SUSIE: Here we go.
[Introduction music audio played]
Australian swimming legend Susie O’Neill versus Australian Prime Minister Scott ‘ScoMo’ Morrison.
HOST: So Suse is in the sound proof booth, you can testify to that ScoMo.
PRIME MINISTER: [inaudible]
HOST: It is legit she can’t hear us in there. Now I don’t if your people behind the scenes have explain the rules or I’ll go through it here.
PRIME MINISTER: Go through them.
HOST: So what you’ve gone on, I’m going to ask you five questions. You’ve got 30 seconds to answer those five questions, OK? Now if you want to you can pass and we’ll come back to it.
PRIME MINISTER: OK.
HOST: But Suse never gets beaten on time and if it’s a draw the person with the quickest time wins.
PRIME MINISTER: Sure.
HOST: So don’t pass, just say you don’t know and move on.
HOST: If you say don’t know I’ll just go straight on to the next question.
HOST: Won’t come back to it.
PRIME MINISTER: OK let’s see how we go.
HOST: Alright, Prime Minister you’ve up against Susan. Prime Minister you’ve got 30 seconds on the clock and your time starts now. What is the capital of New Zealand?
PRIME MINISTER: Wellington.
HOST: Name the comedian who withdrew from hosting the 2019 Oscars?
PRIME MINISTER: Pass.
HOST: Spell vacuum.
PRIME MINISTER: V A C U U M.
HOST: What kind of animal is the Disney character Dumbo?
PRIME MINISTER: An elephant.
HOST: What is 176 minus 86?
PRIME MINISTER: 90.
HOST: Name the comedian who withdrew from hosting the 2019 Oscars? Dunno?
PRIME MINISTER: Dunno.
HOST: So stop, stop. Yeah so we had to go back because you said pass.
PRIME MINISTER: Oh sorry.
HOST: You burnt some time there, that’s what I’m sort of saying but that’s alright. Not bad, not bad on time you had five seconds left.
HOST: It was pretty good.
HOST: So if it comes down to it that could be enough-
HOST: She sometimes struggles on the spelling too.
HOST: Here she comes now by the way PM you are playing for Brenda from Aspley so if you beat-
HOST: She’s one of your constituents. Is Aspley one of your seats? I don’t know what that would be um, I don’t think is.
PRIME MINISTER: No, no it’s a long way north.
HOST: You could win, you could a win a vote here.
PRIME MINISTER: Cronulla is a long way from Aspley.
HOST: Yeah I think Aspley might be within a Labor seat.
SUSIE: I was just checking my previous results against ah, I beat Turnbull.
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah.
HOST: Oh did you?
SUSIE: I lost against Shorten.
HOST: Oh OK, alright.
PRIME MINISTER: I’m not planning to do that.
[Laughter]
HOST: This could be a benchmark here, let’s see how we go.
HOST: [Advertising read out].
Now this is tradition Prime Minister that Susie has her own song.
HOST: Pump her up for code of conduct? In general terms don’t put a balaclava over your head when you’re in the same room as the Prime Minister but he has to do this as a thing.
[Music played]
HOST: We’ve got to explain to the Prime Minister why you’re wearing what you’re wearing right now.
HOST: Susie says it distracts from the fact that I’ve got a huge nose and I’ve got a forehead, a massive forehead and googly eyes and I sometimes put her off so she’s asked for me to wear the ski mask-
SUSIE: It’s self-explanatory you didn’t really need to explain it.
[Laughter]
HOST: It’s really ugly, that’s what it is, yeah.
HOST: Do you do that with any of your employees, do you ask them to wear a ski mask?
HOST: There’s one in every office.
PRIME MINISTER: No.
HOST: Don’t do it?
PRIME MINISTER: No.
SUSIE: Don’t answer that.
HOST: Alright, Susan O’Neill up against the Prime Minister you’ve got 30 seconds on the clock and your time starts now. What is the capital of New Zealand?
SUSIE: Christchurch.
HOST: Name the comedian who withdrew from hosting the 2019 Oscars?
SUSIE: Jimmy Kimmel.
HOST: Spell vacuum?
SUSIE: V A C double U M.
HOST: What kind of animal is the Disney character Dumbo?
SUSIE: He’s an elephant.
HOST: What is 176 minus 86?
SUSIE: 90.
HOST: Stop the clock.
HOST: Quick, that’s good on time. You had ten seconds left Suse. Prime Minister had five so in the event of a tie breaker Susie wins.
PRIME MINISTER: Well done Susie, well done.
HOST: [inaudible]
HOST: Only in the event of a tie breaker.
PRIME MINISTER: Oh we’ve got to go again?
HOST: No, no. We just go through the score, yeah.
PRIME MINISTER: Let’s go through it.
HOST: OK the capital of New Zealand, Prime Minister said it was Wellington. Suse you said it was Christchurch. It’s Wellington.
SUSIE: Is it? How do you know that?
HOST: Because he’s the Prime Minister.
HOST: He went to Sydney Boys High.
PRIME MINISTER: If I didn’t know it would be a problem.
[Laughter]
HOST: How offended would New Zealand be?
HOST: Can you imagine if you answered that incorrectly? That would have been worldwide news today.
HOST: The New Zealand PM on the phone. You what? You said what?
HOST: It’s one nil to the Prime Minister. Name the comedian who withdrew from the hosting the 2019 Oscars. PM passed and then came back and didn’t know. You said it was Jimmy-
HOST: Jimmy Kimmel or something.
HOST: Kevin Hart.
SUSIE: Oh, that’s right.
HOST: It’s one nil Prime Minister. Top of the third spell vacuum, you both said V A C U U M. You’re on the board Suse. Two one to the PM. What kind of animal is the Disney character Dumbo? You both said elephant it’s three two to the Prime Minister. 176 minus 86 is 90 you both said that it’s a four three victory and the PM has done what Malcolm Turnbull couldn’t and what Bill Shorten did and that is prove that he’s smarter than Suse.
HOST: Well done.
SUSIE: Well done Scott.
PRIME MINISTER: Well-
HOST: And we hand over the official sticker which I’m sure you’ll appreciate.
PRIME MINISTER: She’s the bigger legend there’s no doubt about that.
SUSIE: She’s the cat’s mother [laughter] sorry that’s a private joke.
HOST: Brenda out at Aspley picked up 100 bucks too and maybe a vote for you I’d have to say.
PRIME MINISTER: Good on you Brenda tell your friends.
HOST: And we’ll come back and chat with the Prime Minister right after this.
[Advertisement/traffic advice/music break]
PRIME MINISTER: That’s what this stuff is about I mean, I mean I’m you know families are important, families should have meals together at night and not spend, you know, the evenings-
HOST: [Inaudible] in traffic, what you realise is how quickly Brisbane is growing, I mean Ash drives from the coast every day I did it this morning from down at Coolangatta and if you’re not past Springwood by 20 past 5 you’re done, like it’s gridlock at that hour, people are up early, there’s so many more people on the roads so it’s moving, the wheels keep moving.
PRIME MINISTER: That’s the big thing I think in Brisbane say over the last ten/15 years I mean, you know, I grew up in Sydney and it’s always been congested and we’ve got to do a lot there too and Melbourne is the same but Brisbane has been growing really rapidly and that’s been great because people’s businesses have been growing and they’ve been doing well and there’s lots of jobs and that’s all fantastic but you’ve got to keep the congestion busting happening.
So I was at Indooroopilly public school yesterday and we’re upgrading the drop off area there as well so these really small things in the scheme, these aren’t you know billion dollar projects they’re just $7 million here, $5 million here, $12 million here and they’re going to make a big difference to those intersections. Safety as well, as well as getting home and getting on the site, you know, plenty of tradies I’m sure listening this morning they don’t make any money sitting in traffic they make it when they get on site.
HOST: Have you noticed the scooters around? Because Brisbane is like the test city for those electric scooters.
PRIME MINISTER: Oh yeah, I saw a bloke zipping along Story Bridge yesterday.
HOST: Yeah, they’re everywhere.
PRIME MINSTER: He was fanging it, he was-
HOST: I don’t get it quite frankly.
HOST: I reckon they’re brilliant, yeah. So what do you reckon about them? Do you have an opinion on them yet?
PRIME MINISTER: Oh I don’t really care but so long as they’re safe and they don’t run into people.
HOST: I mean you could have idiots riding ‘em because that’s human nature but you know on the whole they’re getting people off the roads you know, getting people scooting-
HOST: So is that only Brisbane?
HOST: Only Brisbane at this stage.
HOST: It’s a test for Australia, yeah.
PRIME MINISTER: Kids like Segways and these things, I mean Segways are important tools for people with disabilities.
HOST: Yeah, yeah that’s alright, yeah.
HOST: I would never step on a Segway, it seems incredibly dangerous to me.
HOST: And the PM was telling a story, sorry Suse, PM was telling us off air that you swim every day, like you started incorporating swimming into your, into your routine now.
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah I do well it’s for exercise but I’m a firm believer that politicians’ exercise should be kept very, not done in public, it’s not a pretty sight.
HOST: Well how do you do that then?
PRIME MINISTER: Oh you make the time, it’s a good head space and it’s also, you know, good exercise and you know you’ve got to do that in these sorts of jobs and I’m enjoying it.
HOST: DTs or boardies?
PRIME MINISTER: As I said it’s done in private.
[Laughter]
HOST: It’s very much done in private.
HOST: I want to say nude?
HOST: What’s a tip Suse, what’s the tip?
SUSIE: Not a tip I was going to, I was actually going to say don’t wear budgie smugglers-
[Laughter]
HOST: It’s been done hasn’t it?
SUSIE: [Inaudible] I love it, it’s great stress release isn’t it?
PRIME MINISTER: Yeah it is I just got to get the breathing right and I’m getting it there, I’ve got up to about 600 metres a day so that’s, if I can do it all in one go it will be even better.
[Laughter]
HOST: Good on ya.
HOST: How long are you in Brissy for?
PRIME MINISTER: Oh I’ve been here all week, I’m heading back down to Sydney tonight.
HOST: Thanks for coming in.
PRIME MINISTER: No, no it’s great to be here, thanks for the fun and thanks for the opportunity to-
HOST: You might have to race Susie in the pool next time.
SUSIE: Oh that’s a good idea because I’d win that one.
PRIME MINISTER: I’ll just take this one, I’m not faster than Susie right now.
HOST: And finally we all saw a picture of Shorten during the week making his kids’ lunches which I’m sure he does every day, I’m sure that wasn’t a photo op-
PRIME MINISTER: The strategically placed Vegemite sitting there. I didn’t think there was anything contrived about that.
HOST: No, no it seemed very natural.
PRIME MINISTER: Really fair dinkum.
HOST: But he was making his, that was the worst picture by the way, but he was making his kids’ sandwiches with wholemeal bread. Don’t do that to your children.
PRIME MINISTER: I don’t make the kids’ lunches.
HOST: You don’t?
PRIME MINISTER: I don’t make them. They’ll be happy about that. I can cook them a great curry which I often do on a Saturday night with the kids and they help but no, no, I don’t make the lunches.
HOST: Have you ever said when a kid goes Dad can you do something, you go gosh I thought I was the Prime Minister?
[Laughter]
HOST: I’d be dropping that every day.
[Laughter]
PRIME MINISTER: That’s true at most places but not my house.